Ready, Aim… Ow, this actually hurts more than I thought it would

What's this photo missing? Your paint-spattered friends.

Brisbane might have achieved a fairly low-crime rate and contain some of the safest,  most-livable suburbs in world rankings – but there’s no reason you can’t change that… or at least simulate changing it, by picking off your friends and decorating them with endless bruises that will have them wincing and frowning for weeks to come.

Enter paintball, where diplomats become assassins and assassins become even better assassins. There’s no need for me to persuade anyone about the joys of paintball, because they’re all self-evident – the very word ‘Skirmish’ alone is probably one of the most dangerous and adrenaline-pumping words in the English language.

OK, enough, show me the love. There are actually an overwhelming number of places you can play, and if you’ve never tried it, they all tend to operate the same way. Either you bring yourself and or some friends, and tag along at one of the daily/nightly sessions, or, you find enough people to get a private booking. That’s hard to pull off, and different Skirmish fields in Brisbane have different minimums. User choice.

I love you, but...

Now, you’ve found some violent-minded globetrotters with twilight bloodlust, and you’re getting ready to go the field. First tip: If you’re sporting the latest Spring/Summer high fashion trends, don’t fret – it all comes out in the wash, but, the impact of the pellets and the army rolls aren’t doing you any favours; keep your power outfit in your suitcase. And pack a plastic bag and some spare clothes to change into after you’re done. Second tip: You could be out in the field for 3 hours – every premise insists its patrons can have sense of security about their possessions, and then your wallet gets stolen anyway. Keep the bling where you’re staying. Third final tip: Bring money for extra paintballs. You can buy them while you’re in combat, and believe me, there’s no buzzkill like the realisation that your day just ended because you didn’t bring an extra $22 for 100 more paint balls.

And now you’re on the field. Ideally you’ve deduced that wearing layers will lessen the impact of being shot, but the golden rule of Skirmish Paintball that you’ll definitely have drilled into you is Don’t Take Off Your Face Mask. This doesn’t need explaining.

Bring a little colour into your life with pretend-y murder

With all of that and other safety guidelines memorised, you’re ready to play. You’ll get split into two teams, and some of the other more serious players will have brought their own guns… and the rest is your own personal strategy. There are change rooms by necessity that you will limp into after you’re finished, and then you’re done, and can go home and scrub off the shellshock. Battered, frazzled and eager to do it again – that’s Paintball for you.

Oh, and 15 years and up, people. Nobody likes to see preteens get rained on. Not that you were thinking of taking your kids… right?